UNC wins NCAA

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

[Gillnet Wire News, March 30, 2009]

President Barack Obama today ordered the University of North Carolina to win the NCAA men's basketball tournament. "The state of North Carolina has received over $6 billion of federal stimulus funds. Part of that money will go to the University of North Carolina. I think it is in the best interest of the State of North Carolina, UNC and my March Madness bracket for UNC to win the tournament."

The President, who publicly picked UNC to win the tournament on March 19, went on to say that "...as President, it is important that I am always right. Forcing UNC to win the tournament will ensure that."

Vice President Joe Biden said "The US taxpayers have been very generous to North Carolina. Now it is time for North Carolina to repay the favor. It is UNC's patriotic duty to win the tournament and fill the President's bracket."

UNC secured a stake in the final four with a 84 to 70 win over LSU onSaturday. UNC head coach Roy Williams said "We are pleased to have made it this far. Now, with the help of the President, it looks like we will be the NCAA champions."

To ensure a UNC victory in the tournament, President Obama has threatened the other final four seeds, Michigan State, Villanova and Connecticut, with 90% tax rates and forcing star players to return their Mercedes' purchased with Alumni funds. "These cars are esentially bonuses paid during a time of economic crisis by alumni of universities in states collecting billions in federal money. It is unacceptable for these bonuses to be paid without a taxpayer benefit. Since millions of people do everything I say, countless people have placed large wagers on their March Madness brackets, following my lead in selecting North Carolina to win. Forcing UNC to win will be of huge benefit to these working families." said the President.

In a related story, the House today passed a bill renaming "March Madness" to the more accurate and politically correct "March/April Mental Illness". Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi said "It is insensitive to people with mental illness to use the word "madness" in such a high profile event. It also makes no sense to call something "March Madness" when part of it occurs in April. In this era of accountability and integrity, government needs to ensure that tournaments are named appropriately, and that the correct team wins."

Follow the Money

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"...No wonder Senator Christopher Dodd (D-Conn) went wobbly last week when asked about his February amendment ratifying hundreds of millions of dollars in bonuses to executives at insurance giant AIG. Dodd has been one of the company's favorite recipients of campaign contributions. But it turns out that Senator Dodd's wife has also benefited from past connections to AIG as well.

From 2001-2004, Jackie Clegg Dodd served as an "outside" director of IPC Holdings, Ltd., a Bermuda-based company controlled by AIG. IPC, which provides property casualty catastrophe insurance coverage, was formed in 1993 and currently has a market cap of $1.4 billion and trades on the NASDAQ under the ticker symbol IPCR. In 2001, in addition to a public offering of 15 million shares of stock that raised $380 million, IPC raised more than $109 million through a simultaneous private placement sale of 5.6 million shares of stock to AIG - giving AIG a 20% stake in IPC. (AIG sold its 13.397 million shares in IPC in August, 2006.)..."

Did anyone wonder ... I know the media never asked BHO or any of the Congressman pushing to save AIG ... but I was wondering - Just what was it that made AIG "to big to fail"? And can anyone explain to me why it's collapes would be the end of civilization-as-we-know-it? There were a LOT of Senators and Reps that were saying this. It must have been true.

Who will bet me that Sens. Dodd & Reid and Reps. Frank & Pelosi will NOT be re-elected? Who doesn't believe that those who vote for them are either profiting from the bailouts or are just too stupid to know when they are being raped?

Increased Oversight of Executive Pay

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"The Obama administration will call for increased oversight of executive pay at all banks, Wall Street firms and possibly other companies as part of a sweeping plan to overhaul financial regulation, government officials said." http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/22/us/politics/22regulate.html

The next step will be for Obama to announce that 'executives at all banks, Wall Street firms and other companies' will not be allowed to leave their jobs - except, of course, with government approval for each specific case. We will have to create a new Dept. of Employment where all decisions will be made concerning what job each citizen will be required to do and at what level of compensation.

The only jobs where compensation will be greater than $100K per year will, of course, be government (Politburo) positions.

No one will actually NEED any compensation anyway since all the needs will be provided by the government - food, housing, health-care, etc.

Steelers to Lose Super Bowl Trophies

Steelers must now share their wealth and fruits of their success and hard work.

Updated March 32, 2009

The Super Bowl XLIII Champion Pittsburgh Steelers, the only team to win six titles, will soon be loosing half of those trophies. After a meeting between NFL Commissioner Rodger Gadel and President Barack Hussain Obama, Obama decided to redistribute half of their Steeler Super Bowl victories and trophies to less fortunate teams in the league.

“We live everyday in the country that invented the Super Bowl,” said Obama “We are not about to lose this Great American tradition in the wake of these difficult times.” Obama’s plan calls for the Steelers, who are a successful NFL team, to give half of their Super Bowl trophies to teams that are not successful or have not been as successful as the Steelers. “The Detroit Loins are just as much a part of the same fiber of the NFL as the Steelers and they should, no rather will, be entitled to a Super Bowl Trophy as well.” Obama explains in his plan that he has imposed on Godel and the NFL.

The Pittsburgh Steelers, who by virtue of hard work, excellent team play, stellar draft choices, responsible investing of free agents, careful hiring of coaches and excellent community service and commitment to their fans, has prospered greatly during the past 30 years and have won six Super Bowl Trophies. But President Barack Hussain Obama’s plan calls for the Pittsburgh Steelers to carry the larger burden of the NFL’s less successful teams. Obama went on to further proclaim, “In these difficult times we are all in this to work together. We must reclaim the NFL Championship Dream for every team, for every city and for every fan.”

“My plan will not affect 31 of the 32 teams in the league.” Obama assures. That’s over 95 percent of the teams in the NFL will not have to worry about loosing any Super Bowl Trophies. “The worst teams in the NFL and the teams that can’t seem to get a break and win a championship will no longer have to worry about going without a title.” Obama promises. “We are a country and league of hope. We all need to make a change.
It does not matter the color of the teams uniforms, the personal decisions that the teams make or their performance but rather if they are a member of this great American league.”

The Super Bowl XLIII trophy will be redistributed to the 0-16 Detroit Lions. Through no fault of their own incompetence, the Lions could not manage a victory all season and this trophy will help ease the pain of their lack of performance and give them hope once again. The redistribution of Super Bowl XL trophy will go directly to the Steeler’s division rival the Cincinnati Bengals. The Bengals who also have fallen on hard times have never won a Super Bowl. This victory will bring a smile to hundreds of Bengal fans all over the world as they can now celebrate. Finally, one of the Steeler’s two Super Bowl victories over the Dallas Cowboys will go back to the Cowboys since the league needs to provide hope in the face of difficulty and provide hope in the face of uncertainty. This is a heavy burden for the Steelers but together we can all prosper.

Obama provides hope to NFL teams.

All hope is not lost for Pittsburgh fans, Barack Hussain Obama has another plan in place. Obama has meet with MLB and commissioner Bud Selig on a similar plan. The New York Yankees will redistribute two of their world series trophies to the Pittsburgh Pirates as a supplement to their loosing 16 straight seasons and counting. This plan will help stimulate the Pirates and enable them to regain the American Dream. Barack Hussain Obama will be meeting with the NHL and Michael Phelps in the upcoming weeks as this issue is high on his agenda for “Hope and Change.”